Banjo Threeie: Crystal Clear
by Megadoomer
Summary: Grunty's got a new body that makes her more powerful than before! How can Banjo and Kazooie stop her?
1. Big Trouble Brewing

It has been two days since Banjo and Kazooie beat Grunty for the second (or was it third?) time. Banjo, Mumbo, Jamjars, and Humba Wumba had just finished another game of Kick Around, which was basically kicking Grunty's one-eyed skull in a circle for a couple of hours, and were heading home, laughing. Grunty, however, was anything but happy.

"Stupid bear and bird! If I had my body, I'd show them! But to get my body, I'd need to find something with a lot of magical power…" Grunty thinks, and remembers something that was mentioned in the travel brochure for the Isle o' Hags, which she says out loud to herself. " 'The Crystal Jiggy, located in Jiggywiggy's Temple in Wooded Hollow, is an object of infinite power!' Heeyahaha! Soon, I'll be more powerful than ever before!" Grunty's skull hops over to the elevator.

…

Five years later, Grunty finally makes it to Jiggywiggy's Temple. There are cracks in her skull from when the moles and Jinjos decided to use her as a kickball in their annual kickball game, but other than that, she was unharmed. She hops behind a bush as she sees Master Jiggywiggy walking out.

"I'm going to have lunch at McJiggy's," he shouts to his disciples, "so guard this place with your lives!" Master Jiggywiggy walks away, and four of his disciples walk out, holding spears.

"Thos is going to be tougher than I thought…" Grunty hops towards the entrance, trying to get in undetected, but one of Jiggywiggy's newest disciples picks up Grunty's head.

"Look, brothers! Somebody left this bizarre-looking kickball out here! We should put it inside the temple until we find its owner!" The disciple walks into the temple and places Grunty's head by the Crystal Jiggy.

"That was too easy!" Grunty's head hops towards the giant Jiggy.

…

Outside, it is very boring for the disciples. One of them is beginning to fall asleep, another of them is eating a chocolate bar, and a third one is playing video games. Only the fourth, Jiggywiggy's oldest disciple, is paying attention. Suddenly, the roof bursts open, showering pieces of golden-painted bricks on the disciples. They look up, now totally aware, and are horrified at what they see.

Only Gruntilida's head remained skeletal from the power of the Crystal Jiggy. Her new body looks similar to her former one, only made entirely out of crystal. There are crystalline wings sprouting out of her back, which fold into her body as she lands. One of her hands is normal, while the other has claws a foot long, and a large elbow blade. The Crystal Jiggy even gave her a new eye!

"G-Get back! Or…or we'll stab you!" The four disciples point their spears at the witch. She cackles, puts her claw hand to the ground, and pillars of fire form beneath the Jiggy-headed men, burning them to ashes.

"This power… It's amazing! I can do anything now!" Gruntilda conjures up a small army of enemies. "Go! Kill everything in your path!" Grunty creates images of Banjo, Kazooie, Mumbo, Klungo, Humba Wumba, and Bottles. "If you find these freaks, however, bring them to me! I'll deal with them personally." Her new minions fly, run, or dig away.

…

Somewhere in Click Clock Woods, a giant anthropomorphic pig is stomping around, lifting up trees at random. He sees a Zubba, one of the bee-like inhabitants, and decides to talk to it while he continues his search.

"Hello, foolish creature! I am Wizpig, future conqueror of this land. Have you, by chance, seen a bear with a blue backpack and yellow shorts named Banjo? I swore vengeance against him and a few other animals about seven years ago, but I just came up with a plan for it recently." The Zubba buzzes. "What was that? I can't understand —" Unfortunately for Wizpig, one of Grunty's mole-like minions was tunnelling by, Bugs Bunny-style. While walking, Wizpig trips over the small mound of dirt, falls, breaks his neck, and dies. The Zubba shrugs and flies away.

…

In Cloud Cuckooland, a minion of Grunty's that resembles a UFO with eyes flies by a humanoid bird named Canary Mary. The bird calls to the UFO.

"Hey! Do you want to race me? If you win, I'll give you a Jiggy!" The UFO's eyes widen as it thinks about the promotions it could get if it got a Jiggy for Grunty. The UFO turns around and nods enthusiastically.

22 consecutive losses to Mary later, the UFO is frustrated beyond all belief. Mary finally remembers something. "I forgot! That bear and bird took my Jiggy five years ago! Um… Do you accept IOUs?"

The UFO gets so angry, it self-destructs, which rips the section that Mary is standing on off of Cloud Cuckooland. Without anything holding it up, the section falls to the earth below. Mary screams in fear, then realizes that she's a bird, so she can just fly back to Cloud Cuckooland! A loose rock hits her on the head, knocking her unconscious. Eventually, her fall comes to an end as she lands in the volcano on the lava side of Hailfire Peaks. A rat walks up, puts a sign into the ground labelled 'Fried Canary: $5', and stands there, waiting for someone to show up.

…

In Spiral Mountain, Banjo, Kazooie, Mumbo, and Klungo are having lunch outside of Banjo's house. Bottles walks out, carrying sandwiches. He places them on the table, then stops and looks at it.

"Banjo, why is there one extra chair here?"

"In case Tooty decides to come home!" Kazooie sticks her head out of the bear's backpack and sighs.

"Banjo, your sister hasn't been home for seven years! We woke up the day after we beat Grunty the first time, and she was gone!"

"Oh, yeah!" Klungo starts laughing.

"Hur hur hur… Bear issss sssso sssstupid! Can't even remember hissss own ssssisssster dissssappearing! Hur hur hur…" Banjo throws his glass of water at Klungo. Mumbo turns to laugh at Klungo, then stops and notices something.

"Look! Smoke in distance! Something wrong in Isle o' Hags!" Bottles takes a bite of his sandwich.

"Why do—" Bottles coughs, spits out the sandwich, and continues. "Why do you care about what happens in that place? I have a family there, but what's your excuse?"

"Mumbo has many houses there. Also, Isle o' Hags have good spots for Mumbo to find Glowbos or getting bear and bird to find them for me."

"What are we waiting for then?" Kazooie pecks Banjo on the head. "To the Isle of Hags!" Banjo sighs.

"I have a feeling there's gonna be another adventure… At least Bottles didn't die again!" The four heroes run towards the entrance to the Isle o' Hags, with Kazooie pecking Banjo to make him go faster.

So, how was it? Please review!


	2. Let's Get This Train Wreck Rolling!

After the quintet makes it through the tunnel that the Hag 1 had made five years ago, they reach Jinjo Village. However, the village is in ruins. Some houses were the 'lucky' ones, and only had gaping holes in them. Some were in the condition of the house of the Grey Jinjos, just fragments of what they once were. The worst of them were just blackened holes in the ground. Hovering over Jamjars' silo was the new and improved Gruntilda, holding a Jinjo corpse in her hand. She tosses it to the ground when she sees Banjo and his friends. "Hello moron, loudmouth, blindy, boneface, and traitor! How nice to see you again!" Banjo scratches his head.

"Uh… Which of those is referring to me?" Grunty merely cackles. Bottles jumps behind Klungo, shaking in fear.

"Wh-What have you done with King Jingaling?" Grunty flicks her hand, and a large crystal floats behind her. The crystal is containing the Jinjo king, who is pounding on it, trying to get out. Instead of its normal yellow, his skin is slowly becoming green, and flakes are falling off.

"I'm slowly and painfully draining that fool's power, so soon, he'll be a skeleton, just like I was! That will teach him to betray me!" The witch was referring to King Jingaling's act of kindness five years ago, when he gave Banjo and Kazooie their first Jiggy for that adventure. Shortly after, he was zombified, but apparently, that wasn't enough. Kazooie sticks her head out of Banjo's backpack.

"So, you've got a new body? Big deal! We've already beat you when you were an ugly witch, an ugly robot, and an even uglier skeleton…"

"Kazooie! Don't make her madder!"

"…so, we should be able to beat you when you're a disgustingly ugly crystal-thing!"

"How dare you insult my outer ugliness! Prepare to die!" Just as Grunty prepares to fire a fatal spell, a mole wearing sunglasses and a military outfit jumps out of the silo that Grunty is hovering over.

"Jamjars!"

"Greetings, brother. Now, hop to it! We need to beat that witch before she retreats to her castle, forcing us to go through a long Jiggy-collecting journey, and a quiz about what we may or may not have seen during that journey, before we can get a chance to fight her again!" Mumbo shrugs.

"Mumbo fine with that. Every time we go on big quest, Mumbo can get bear and bird to do stuff for him. This time, Mumbo make bear and bird get groceries for Mumbo, or wash the windows of Mumbo's skull!" Kazooie spits a Fire Egg at Mumbo. "Okay, fine. Mumbo won't do that."

"Fine! If you cowards won't take on the witch, then I'll have to do it myself! You okay with that, cadets?" Jamjars looks around, but Banjo, Kazooie, Mumbo, Bottles, and Klungo are already gone. "Cadets?" The militant mole sighs and pulls a bazooka out of his silo. "Prepare to die, crone!"

"You can try, mole man. You can try." Grunty charges up a spell in her claw-like arm.

…

In the Wooded Hollow, home of the temples of Jiggywiggy and Mayahem, Jamjars' 'cadets' are panting and gasping for air. Bottles' family had evacuated, and they had left a note for Bottles telling him that they had went to stay in Jolly Roger's Lagoon until it was safe to return.

"What are we going to do now? Misssstressss Grunty is too powerful for any of ussss!" Banjo shrugs.

"More importantly, I wonder how Jamjars is doing against Grunty!" A huge explosion can be seen nearby, followed by Grunty flying away and cackling maniacally. Kazooie sighs.

"Does that answer your question?" Bottles wipes tears from his eyes.

"Well, maybe there's a chance that he's still alive!" Another, even bigger explosion goes off at the same spot, and Bottles starts bawling. "He was the only brother I ever had, and now he's gone!" Mumbo pats him on the shoulder.

"There, there. If it any consolation, Mumbo think that he may not have been best brother that you could have." Bottles stops crying.

"You're right! Every week, he forced me through a deadly obstacle course! And on my birthdays, he dunked my head into the toilet!" Bottles keeps talking, remembering what Jamjars did to him when they were both kids.

"Well, we musssst avenge goggle-guru'ssss brother'ssss death at the handssss of Misssstressss Grunty."

"I agree! Let's go get that witch! Who's with me?" Before anyone can respond, a hand reaches out from under the ground and pulls them under. Bottles screams, but the hand covers his mouth. A match is lit, revealing that they were pulled into an underground cave. The hand belongs to a Jinjo wearing an army helmet with a pistol at his side. The cave is packed with Jinjos, dinosaurs, and many of the inhabitants of the various worlds that Banjo and Kazooie had visited on their adventures.

"Greetings. We are the Grunty Resistance Army, Baby! Boo Yah! Also known as G.R.A.B.B.Y., we were created to stop Gruntilda Winkybunion's harsh oppression over this land. As you can see, we are made up of many races, including the Jinjos from this village. Also, we have recently rescued one person from Wooded Hollow." In the crowd, Master Jiggywiggy jumps up and waves. "We've…erm…recruited you because you have defeated the witch twice…"

"Three times!"

"...so, you would be logical that you should be able to beat her again. We won't supply you with weapons, because your own abilities have been sufficient thus far. However, some of our Jinjo troops have been scattered around the worlds that Grunty has been seen in, so it is up to you to find them." Suddenly, a noise that sounds like someone tapping a microphone fills the cave, followed by Grunty's disembodied voice.

"Testing… Testing… Is this thing on?"

"She's found us! RUN!" The G.R.A.B.B.Y., Bottles, and Klungo start panicking, but Banjo, Kazooie, and Mumbo stay calm.

"Relax, guys! She's not even here!" Banjo's right. Right now, Grunty is speaking into a magic microphone in her new lair.

"I would just like to let the inhabitants of the Isle o' Hags know that I am your new dictator. I am sending my soldiers to enforce law and order, and generally abuse their power in any way that they can. That is all." The leader of G.R.A.B.B.Y. steps forward. He is a large red Jinjo with a long grey beard.

"We need to act now." He holds out a large golden jigsaw puzzle piece, also known as a Jiggy. "Take this Jiggy. With it, Joggywoggy, or whatever his name is, will be able to open a gateway to the location of Grunty's weakest group of henchmen." Banjo and company walk through the crowd and get to Jiggywiggy, who's standing near the Crystal Jiggy. Apparently, the G.R.A.B.B.Y. brought it with them when they 'recruited' Jiggywiggy.

"Hello, Chosen Ones."

"Quit calling us that!" Jiggywiggy ignores that and continues.

"As the leader of this resistance said, I can use Jiggies to get you to the locations of Grunty's minions. I need them to power up the Crystal Jiggy, since the hag drained most of its power. Right now, you only need one Jiggy." Banjo hands Jiggywiggy the Jiggy, which goes into the Crystal Jiggy. "Let the first gateway… BE OPENED!" The Crystal Jiggy shoots a beam of energy at a nearby wall, creating a swirling vortex. Bottles walks near it.

"If you need new moves, look for my molehills!" Bottles jumps in, and Mumbo walks to the vortex.

"Mumbo be in skulls again. Mumbo go back to transforming bear and bird."

"What about Humba Wumba?"

…

Three weeks ago, Mumbo had sued Humba Wumba, the Aboriginal shaman, for stealing his business. The judge, a Jinjo in a wig, bangs his gavel.

"Ms. Wumba, do you have anything to say before the jury announces its decision?"

"Yes. This big heap rigged. Despite ugly bone-faced shaman having little evidence, jury and judge both believe him! Something very fishy going on in trial." A member of the jury, a yellow Jinjo, stands up.

"We find Humba Wumba guilty! She will lose her license to practice magic, and Mumbo Jumbo will get all of her spellbooks." Mumbo walks over to the jury and hands them all big bags with dollar signs on them. Humba walks out, furious.

…

"Um… Mumbo don't know." Mumbo jumps in the vortex, and Klungo walks to it.

"Klungo help out bear and bird in anyway that he can, to make up for sssserving Misssstressss before." Klungo jumps into the portal. Kazooie points at the portal.

"TO ADVENTURE!"

"This is not going to be easy…" Banjo jumps in the portal, with Kazooie still in his backpack.


End file.
